I regret most of what I have done in the last year. Here I was thinking that I was working to secure my future to better my life and all I was doing was letting my job consume me and take over my life. Yeah I might have nice things and own a house at the age of 22 BUT I lost the most important thing due to that, I let it destroy my relationship. I guess that is what happens when you are never around, the girl starts to miss you less and less and everything you worked for fades away. So just a warning to anyone that may read this make sure you keep your priorities in order and don’t focus too much on one and not the other or you will lead the same path I have..
TL;DR I worked too much to better my life the GF broke up with me cause I was never around..
Update:
The Ex is moving out and will be out by the first weekend of October.
We thought it we be best as we have both been sleeping with other people and each other.. and we both determined that its not fair to us emotionally and the other people that we are trying to start relationships with. This came about when I came home one night with my neck all marked up from the other girl, I told her about her and she was fine with it. The next morning she was sitting in the living room watching TV and I sat next to her. She had this pissed off look on her face I basically had to beat what was wrong out of her and she just broken down crying. She started to say how she made a mistake and just wanted me to leave her alone, I tried to comfort her because well.. I couldn’t tell you why because I don’t know why. I left my house to give her some room and that night at the new girls apartment she called me 5 times, and sent me I think 9 texts asking me to come home and how she regretted telling me to leave her alone. I go home the next morning and she is there I go up to her room sit down on her bed she starts crying she said that this was her own fault she has no one else to blame but herself for this and that she regretted that breaking up with me.
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If she weren’t so worried about how much time you were spending with her, YOU would be worried about how much time she was spending with you. That’s how these things work. Self-esteem more or less in balance works, not in balance ya get fireworks if that’s what you’re into
Your 22, and probably just starting to learn about what really matters in the world. Many people never figure out that they only need work harder on the themselves to be happy. I’ve asked many people in the middle of 60 hour weeks and breakless months, “Why dedicate so much energy to your job?” Not a one has ever answered, “Because it makes me happy.” The answer is usually financially related and for some it is the only way they can see to get by.
Work hard for yourself because it makes you feel good.
Here’s my only piece of advice, don’t let the breakup affect your work performance!
I know it seems terrible and you wish you could fix it, but you’re on the right path! Remember that success is a long bumpy road; don’t let a pothole throw you off course! You’ve already made some excellent decisions for someone your age. Stay the course and you will reap the full rewards, which includes a mature, considerate women who recognizes and respects your ambitions.
and what you make financially will reflect her hotness, keep at it
I see a lot of multi-paragraph posts filled with popsych conjecture and facile advice when what it sounds like is someone got dumped ’cause their girlfriend wasn’t in love with them anymore using the “never around” chip as a convenient excuse.
you’re 22, get the fuck away from her and start anew. problem solved.
are you in a relationship? no? didn’t think so, if you were, your woman would keep you from cluttering up s_g so much, mhmmmm
Well I was; we live together but I’d been out of love with him for months, so I leveraged the “you work too much” excuse and he bought it. Fingers crossed he doesn’t see this post
smartass
since I know better than to tell ya to get laid, go for a walk, take photos, report back, I’ll grade you if I feel like it.
the girl left you because you weren’t around.
if she was a shallow gold-digging cunt she would’ve fucked your friends behind your back and sat pretty in the fancy apartment you provided her, laughing at your genitals.
you dun goofed, she was the ONE.
who gives a fuck about the girl, you have a house. i would trade so much for that kind of safety.
Ouch dude. Just do what i did, wrap yourself up in a coat of egotism and realise that you’re awesome and she’s missing out by letting go of you.
Your girlfriend is a stupid cunt who should be cheated on and raped in an alley for leaving you. You own a house at 22, which means you very well could have it paid off by the time you’re 40.
Take it from a guy renting at 34 and who’s saving to buy a house within 2 years, you’re in a much better position and she’s a stupid cunt who needs to be treated like shit for eternity.
I really don’t see how any of us can tell him what’s best for him. Every situation is different. So for us to try to compare his particular situation to ones we’ve gone through just isn’t appropriate. None of us can even say for certain if a trust bond was broken or not. It sounds to me like she was vocalizing an issue of feeling ignored, and it led to this point. If she didn’t want to work on it she would’ve packed her shit and left. Relationships go through this sort of thing and it’s how you deal with it that will determine if it was actually meant to be. Let him try and work on this without us dog piling negativity onto the situation.
yeah ive been in this exact situation too. we ended up living together months after our official breakup, but in that time, we were still never really apart. yeah, we would hang out and things would be awesome, but if one thing were to happen against one our likings, board the doors and get the animals downstairs, its a fuckin shit storm. there is so much negativity that comes from a situation like that. it is incredibly toxic. even when things are good, whats it matter? you know they are good based on the shallow trust you have for the other, aka, lesser standards in that person. im sorry dude, but its over, and whats worse is that you know it, you just think thats the bad part of your conscious talking. well, those thoughts that YOU view as negative and kind of poisonous in yourself, is also the voice of reason, a voice you hate hearing. easier said than done for sure, I KNOW. but the only way to make a positive move in this situation is exactly that, one of you need to move. you guys need closure. this gray state that youre in right now is the most unhealthy thing relationship wise. it is full of disappointment, resentment, and regret. but you THINK and WANT TO BELIEVE its full of hope, a grounding for the relationship, and almost a little less stressful. the voice in you that is saying the things you dont want to hear is the voice you should be listening to. period. good luck sir
Get her the fuck out. Now. Put the mouse down and start packing her things. The longer she is there, the more likely she’ll mindfuck her way back into your established comfort.
Also, be glad you weren’t married, or half of that house would belong to her. RUN BITCH!
This.
Tell her she had the chance and she has to go. Trust broken once means it can be broken again. Move on and date many more.
business.
More seriously: can only comment from the subjective evidence you have presented, but based on such, what laa laa said. You have established yourself maturely well before most modern American man-children have, and you have nothing to actually be ashamed of. And her in the house just sets you up for any number and range of problems, from emotional to physical to property (be nice to come home and find all your stuff “gone”, wouldn’t it?). Time and distance will confirm her true relationship status. Best of luck.
this shit is worse than what nightfallcub said
i am roughly the same age as you and not at all financially stable, have no advancement in career, am struggling through the half-aborted community college system, and my girlfriend left me so it could be worse you tip dabber.
This exactly you hit the point she was stressing and what I am trying to do.
Thanks for all of the replies everyone some of them made me feel better some made me actually lol but I have a lot to think about. I will have to keep her around until after the new year because I wont be able to afford this house and other bills by myself unless I go on a white rice and water diet. By that time I hope to be doing more advanced Citrix and M$ Server administration work which would put me on a higher pay scale. And being the nice guy I am I know she cant afford to be out on her own yet and I don’t want to just kick her to the street because we are and always have been really good friends. I got thinking last night about our past and we never really had a good relationship just a really good friendship with sex so I completely understand her view point now. I am sure I will get shit for this reply but that’s fine, this is how I feel.
Maybe she did fall out of love maybe she didn’t no one knows for sure but her.
good luck bro
Yeah, well, good luck, but honestly “I think we’re over” is a drama-move that doesn’t bode well. He came looking for thoughts, to vent, and you know what? Some of us have been in very much the same situation–breakup, ex still around, trying to make it work but nobody realizes that the pie’s been shat in and it’s no good to eat anymore even if you can make it look OK again. The difference is that we’re not 22 anymore.
Exactly what I was thinking. the fact that she’s staying in the house could easily mean this is nothing more than her giving him a wake up call. Giving him a chance to make her more of a priority in his life.
On the other hand, the moment she starts seeing other guys she needs to be gone. That’ll really fuck with his head.
Care to explain why? I get that you disagree with me, but I stand by what I said. Guy is obviously a go-getter, super provider who’s going to make any woman he’s with very happy, as long as she doesn’t mind that he’s out working for a living instead of sitting at homeplaying Xbox and looking at the ghetto all damn day.
Girls will always say “Oh, but he’s never home!” and then go fuck the pool boy. this guy needs a woman who is mature enough to know how awesome he is for not being a bum. I’ve was a bum through most of my twenties, spent the first few years of my thirties getting out of the credit hole I was in. Now I’m ready to move forward. I’m not sure how you can feel anything but bile for a woman who gets given a house, gets provided for, then leaves just because the guy is doing so much for her they can’t go for enough walks in the park.
I essentially agree with all you said except for that shit about rape and being treated like shit for eternity, though could’ve been words flung around in height of emotion. I could have tied emotion to something you weren’t being serious about. I haven’t been keeping up with comments, or checked if he editted this, but all I remember is her claiming she’s fallen out of love with him. If he were to find out she cheated, I’d probably suggest he give her notice to leave within a few days of finding out. Sure I don’t have too much respect for her but I dunno the whole situation.
Fair enough. I just can’t stand stupid bitches, and I feel they get away with a lot in this world that they shouldn’t because of the old timey thought process that women shouldn’t be treated the same way. I believe in equality, which means you don’t coddle somebody or mince words because they have a twat instead of a cock and balls. It was mostly being pissed at a few other things and taking it past the point of normal here, but the general idea of “kick the bitch out and hope for bad karma to befall her!” is still there.
haha I completely agree with everything but the last sentence. I do wish that mind set was eliminated.
the end of this. So much
There’s something to be said for balance in life, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up for working hard. She probably would have left you anyway, at least you have the work, money, etc going on…and that sort of stuff and life direction is exactly what will get you plenty more girls…not being overly devoted to one who doesn’t sound so worth it anyway.
You’re 22 and a guy and you’ve got your life together. Keep up that direction and every year for the next couple of decades at least, you’ll be going up in value while she is, most likely, going down. Just wait till you see where you each end up in 10-15 years.
Big True
Well I hate to say it, but this is potentially BAD news for you. Now she’s unemployed, in an economy that’s pretty hostile. If she can get another job quickly, that’s ideal…but be prepared to make some hard decisions about supporting her.
Yes, I’m bitter. I got totally fucked over by an ex, ended up (foolishly) helping her through some trouble she got herself into, and finally arrived at bankruptcy when she decided she didn’t need to pay me back the debt she built up on our joint accounts.
I will say unequivocally: You may feel like a douche kicking her out and cutting her off, but it’s absolutely the best thing for you. Whatever effort you make to help her at this point is wasted effort. Basically, life sucks!
=\ sorry to hear it got that bad for you. I was smart and didn’t add her name to any of my accounts. I did how ever let her carry one of my credit cards for use in an emergency, so thanks for reminding me to ask her for that back. The reason she got fired is BS and I think she will get unemployment benefits from the State of Maryland with no fight. She will end up moving into her Grandmothers or her Moms place for a bit. Also I am 22 she is 25 I don’t think I put that anywhere in this thread
I went through similar episode, after 15+ years of being married. Heard advice like a lot of these posts. It sucks dude. Fucking sucks. If she was going to leave, she woulda had a backup plan (eg new boyfriend). Live separate, stay in touch. If you love her, don’t fuck around until you know it’s over for sure. Won’t tell you to not think about it, that’s bullshit. Just don’t obsess. It’ll stick with you a while. Take your time to see where you and she drew apart, it usually isn’t one sided, and you can only work on you. Hopefully you two can work it out, sounds like there are signs to that conclusion. Prepare for the worst, hope for…shit, something, anything. Feels like someone stopped all your vital functions sometimes, but life comes back. Life is long. This event too, shall pass. Applause to the level headed advice I’ve seen(amongst the obligatory hate/sympathy) Though SG isn’t always the most sympathetic to these type vents. Keep your head up son, you sound like you got a solid base.
Updated the Original Post with the out come if anyone is still intereted
where is the original post?
Up there at the top of the page. The update was added to the bottom of the post, below the pictures.
Awesome update. I still hope she gets knocked up by the drummer in a shitty local band that never goes anywhere and is stuck in a trailerpack with 3 screaming brats thinking about how awesome you were.
A scorched earth policy in failed relationships can be almost as satisfying as true love!
good for you, man! it’s too late for her, next time she’ll think twice before doing such a stupid thing. keep on living your own life, forget about her for the moment.
and remember, the ‘ghetto called it. dramabombing ex needs to be the fuck out of your hard earned, OWNED space. good on you, better now than later.