SGCupid Profile of the Week

Rather than message her privately on OKCupid, I figured I’d have a much better chance of scoring a date with a Space_Ghetto gal if I made a public post on SG and linked to her profile. 

Here’s who I’m stalking this week.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/notafatty



Why I’m in love with her:
Louis C.K. should hire her as a writer.

    One time I saw my father eat an entire cheesecake. It wasn’t something that happened accidentally, like he kept going for slice after slice and then suddenly “oops! I ate a whole cheesecake.” Dude actually went to the fridge, retrieved the cheesecake, and plopped down in his big La-Z-Boy with a fork and a steely determination in his eye. It was the sort of spectacle that made me wish pubescent gamers hadn’t sapped the word “epic” of all its potency. Getting Cool Ranch Doritos in your bag lunch is not “epic,” you useless twat. My dad silently devouring an entire cheesecake with nary an indication of discomfort, shame, or struggle is what’s fucking epic.

And this:

Why I won’t talk to her: My sense of humor sounds like Weird Al lyrics compared to hers.  Also, I’m a fat hairy Jew from 80+ miles away.

Rather than message her privately on OKCupid, I figured I’d have a much better chance of scoring a date with a Space_Ghetto gal if I made a public post on SG and linked to her profile. 

Here’s who I’m stalking this week.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/notafatty



Why I’m in love with her:
Louis C.K. should hire her as a writer.

    One time I saw my father eat an entire cheesecake. It wasn’t something that happened accidentally, like he kept going for slice after slice and then suddenly “oops! I ate a whole cheesecake.” Dude actually went to the fridge, retrieved the cheesecake, and plopped down in his big La-Z-Boy with a fork and a steely determination in his eye. It was the sort of spectacle that made me wish pubescent gamers hadn’t sapped the word “epic” of all its potency. Getting Cool Ranch Doritos in your bag lunch is not “epic,” you useless twat. My dad silently devouring an entire cheesecake with nary an indication of discomfort, shame, or struggle is what’s fucking epic.

And this:

Why I won’t talk to her: My sense of humor sounds like Weird Al lyrics compared to hers.  Also, I’m a fat hairy Jew from 80+ miles away.

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32 thoughts on “SGCupid Profile of the Week”

  1. oh come on man, louis c.k. is fat and balding but do you think he would give up

    no, he would drive down there in a heartbeat to wreck that first date with his lonely awkwardness and spend the entire drive back yelling in the car YOU FAT STUPID IDIOT YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED IT ALL UP WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID THAT’S WHY

    you can’t go out there and be somebody if you don’t go out there and be somebody

  2. Just disabled for now. I’m super busy with work, this dude I have been seeing (from OKC,) and traveling around a lot, so figured I shouldn’t waste peeps time since I never get around to replying to anyone. I may reincarnate it at some point, it seems the open-ended dating profile questionnaire is my Michaelangelo’s slab of marble. /sarcasm

  3. she’s cute
    and please get some self confidence for fucks sake, you seem a really kind guy, you’re creative, and imo absolutely not repulsively looking
    just go get what you want :p

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