Rather than message her privately on OKCupid, I figured I’d have a much better chance of scoring a date with a Space_Ghetto gal if I made a public post on SG and linked to her profile.
Why I’m in love with her: Louis C.K. should hire her as a writer.
One time I saw my father eat an entire cheesecake. It wasn’t something that happened accidentally, like he kept going for slice after slice and then suddenly “oops! I ate a whole cheesecake.” Dude actually went to the fridge, retrieved the cheesecake, and plopped down in his big La-Z-Boy with a fork and a steely determination in his eye. It was the sort of spectacle that made me wish pubescent gamers hadn’t sapped the word “epic” of all its potency. Getting Cool Ranch Doritos in your bag lunch is not “epic,” you useless twat. My dad silently devouring an entire cheesecake with nary an indication of discomfort, shame, or struggle is what’s fucking epic.
And this:
Why I won’t talk to her: My sense of humor sounds like Weird Al lyrics compared to hers. Also, I’m a fat hairy Jew from 80+ miles away.
Rather than message her privately on OKCupid, I figured I’d have a much better chance of scoring a date with a Space_Ghetto gal if I made a public post on SG and linked to her profile.
Why I’m in love with her: Louis C.K. should hire her as a writer.
One time I saw my father eat an entire cheesecake. It wasn’t something that happened accidentally, like he kept going for slice after slice and then suddenly “oops! I ate a whole cheesecake.” Dude actually went to the fridge, retrieved the cheesecake, and plopped down in his big La-Z-Boy with a fork and a steely determination in his eye. It was the sort of spectacle that made me wish pubescent gamers hadn’t sapped the word “epic” of all its potency. Getting Cool Ranch Doritos in your bag lunch is not “epic,” you useless twat. My dad silently devouring an entire cheesecake with nary an indication of discomfort, shame, or struggle is what’s fucking epic.
And this:
Why I won’t talk to her: My sense of humor sounds like Weird Al lyrics compared to hers. Also, I’m a fat hairy Jew from 80+ miles away.
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32 thoughts on “SGCupid Profile of the Week”
oh come on man, louis c.k. is fat and balding but do you think he would give up
no, he would drive down there in a heartbeat to wreck that first date with his lonely awkwardness and spend the entire drive back yelling in the car YOU FAT STUPID IDIOT YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED IT ALL UP WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID THAT’S WHY
you can’t go out there and be somebody if you don’t go out there and be somebody
Just disabled for now. I’m super busy with work, this dude I have been seeing (from OKC,) and traveling around a lot, so figured I shouldn’t waste peeps time since I never get around to replying to anyone. I may reincarnate it at some point, it seems the open-ended dating profile questionnaire is my Michaelangelo’s slab of marble. /sarcasm
she’s cute and please get some self confidence for fucks sake, you seem a really kind guy, you’re creative, and imo absolutely not repulsively looking just go get what you want :p
oh come on man, louis c.k. is fat and balding but do you think he would give up
no, he would drive down there in a heartbeat to wreck that first date with his lonely awkwardness and spend the entire drive back yelling in the car YOU FAT STUPID IDIOT YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED IT ALL UP WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID THAT’S WHY
you can’t go out there and be somebody if you don’t go out there and be somebody
i want to make her my girlfriend.
I would help her level her warlock.
This.
<3
that profile is annoyingly clever
Look Man,,,someone is fucking fat bald jews or there wouldnt be so many of them:)
Hello there; I am notafatty and annoyingly clever.
Change your name and run far away.
Double this.
<3 louis ck
probably the best advice
More like just annoying.
Lol, the profile has been deleted already. Poor, poor little girl.
Just disabled for now. I’m super busy with work, this dude I have been seeing (from OKC,) and traveling around a lot, so figured I shouldn’t waste peeps time since I never get around to replying to anyone. I may reincarnate it at some point, it seems the open-ended dating profile questionnaire is my Michaelangelo’s slab of marble. /sarcasm
u mad?
You would know if I was mad.
THIS WILL MAKE HER LIKE YOU. GREAT IDEA.
she’s cute
and please get some self confidence for fucks sake, you seem a really kind guy, you’re creative, and imo absolutely not repulsively looking
just go get what you want :p
Right!