Hi, I’m Buttwheat, amemba me?

Oh hey gang. Yes, I’ve been in hiding. Well, not really in hiding, just sort of lurking in the shadows like some creepy old guy. Which is kind of appropriate, really.

Anyway, I had just the MOST FANTASTICALLY WONDERFUL thing happen to me Monday, and I thought I oughtta share with my favorite pack of rabid jackals.

So Monday was the day I got to come home for my usual 4 days off, and I was very much looking forward to doing things like sleeping in a bed bigger than a fucking graham cracker, cooking real food, taking a nice leisurely dump in my own toilet without having to deal with some illiterate assfuck shaking the stall door because he can’t read the “occupied” thing.

Except when I walked in my front door Monday afternoon, this is what greeted me.

Yes, my sewer line decided to back itself up into my bathroom. The water seeped into the entryway, the hall closet, and the bedroom. Oddly enough the bathroom sink didn’t get all backfilled with shit, but some weird whitish crusty gunk backed up out of the kitchen sink.

And just to add the icing to the cake, the drain spout for the washer decided to do some backflow action of its own.

A restoration crew came out within a couple of hours and started sucking up all the water and cleaning up all the shit, the property management company didn’t get a plumber out until almost 4 in the afternoon…the next day. At which point all the water and shit backed right back up and reflooded everything.

So now my little apartment is in the process of practically being gutted. Something like half the carpet and pad has been ripped up, all of the vinyl floors in the bathroom and kitchen are being torn out, cabinets are gone, drywall is being cut out, and then next Monday yet another contractor is coming to start sketching and estimating the process of putting it all back together again. In the meantime, I have no kitchen to speak of, I have to brush my teeth in the bathtub, and I’m sleeping in my goddamn recliner because my bed is in multiple pieces.


And no, I haven’t forgotten to do my surgery results post. I’m waiting to go in for my 1 year post-op checkup with the surgeon, and then I’m going to have them email me all the before and after pictures they’ve taken. Once I have those, I’ll make that post. I swear! I love you faggots too much to leave you twisting in the breeze like that.

(p.s. if you got the title reference, HA HA YOU’RE OLD!)

(6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

5 thoughts on “Hi, I’m Buttwheat, amemba me?”

    1. I’m not sure those are any good anymore. My bowling equipment was in the closet that got soaked. I can’t imagine sewer water is good for bowling balls.

  1. Yeah, lived in a duplex once where it did this. In the shower, toilet, didn’t get up to sink level The landlord woman would blame us for it. Always nice to come home to a four inch shit flood line on the walls. I dug up the line out back of the duplex to find ancient clay pipes with a hole in it and a brick sitting on top of the hole.

    Why can’t I see my typing without highlights?

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