im living at my parents. 30 yo. no job. no grades. add,autsim, bipolar. no future. my psychologist told me im a failure, a loser. shes not wrong, but coming from a professional it hurt more. i have no friends. panic attacks every night. what do i do?? death is near me, but my anxiety hasn’t got the upper hand just yet. im deeply addicted to my medicine, without it i woundn’t be alive. but it worked so well, ive forgotten to train my mind to deal with the symptoms ive have if i miss my dosage. i was born with anxiety so my mind is prewired to respond to normal life with depression,anxiety and stress. smelling, hearing,seeing or feeling anything that i am not exposed to in my “normal”-life, can/will give intense anxiety. my mind is always armed to exploit any positive situation, it never stops seeking vulnerabilities and blowing up my chances of progression.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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well, i’m very related to many aspects of your life. i’m pretty sure i’m bi-polar, high depressive and always sad. many people in my life didn’t care or even are aware of this! i never wanted to kill myself but, just because i’m a coward. so, i’m always anciously waiting for the glorious day when death will finnaly find me
death seems like a shining star, always out of reach yet glowing full of solutions. reality is just that no one will remember you when you are dead,the life of others will go on a usual. my ego is keeping me alive. strange to live an isolated life, but strive to be remembered. hope you find meaning and let the coward in you keep you alive. cowards have a greater chance of beating depression than ‘heroes’ do.
Death is the ultimate form of peace.
Anger is a much more constructive feeling, it´s just another way to live with what hurts, try it, you can change some feelings with your mind… be fucking angry, it may help, because is stronger, it moves, it can make you move somewhere better, just don´t kill anybody.
indeed anger it’s a common place in my life nowadays, and that’s why i’m on medications! doctors try to contol my anger by filling me with medicines that works pretty fine for a short time but now, they didn’t made any good efsect at all. as i sayd before, i’m bi-polar and when the anger comes to the surface of my personallity this situation turns my miserable life to a hell way too more ugly than it normally is. last week, after 30 years in my profession without any complain or big trouble, i loose my temper for the very first time with a customer and yell with this guy and almost hit him in the face for nothing!
last doctor who talk to me asks if i had any thoughts about kill myself. i said “no, i’m too coward to do that but sometimes, i want to do something that i think it’s way too much worse and dangerous than that”. then he asks me “what could be more dangerous or worse?”. my answere is ” to get some stufs in a bag and run away from everyone i know! i mean, my wife, my doughther, my friends, work, everything… sometimes i just want to put everything and everyone in a place very far away from me in my past and go to any place where no one could possible finds me but i sadly know that this will just leave people and my known troubles behind. the sadness, the anger and every bad feeling will continues to haunt me no matter where i go or who will be with me or even if i’m tottaly alone.
that being said, i think that when ti comes the day that death finally finds me this will be the day that all this suffering will finally ends for sure but what should i do until this day comes ? how could i manage to not kill someone or myself utill there ?¿
To be clear, i think that run away it’s worse because if you kills yourself everybody probably dind’t understand why you did this but at least they know what happens! but if you run away, they will be always strugling with this feeling of not being able to know IF you are alive or where you are, or even why did you run away! but i sadly know that this will just leave people and my known troubles behind. the sadness, the anger and every bad feeling will continues to haunt me no matter where i go or who will be with me or even if i’m tottaly alone. that’s why i didn’t do this (yet).”
I never know how to react to these sorts of things except to say that if I can help, I would.