Author: loremipsum

Author loremipsumPosted on 16 Comments on Dear Coca-Cola

Dear Coca-Cola

November 13, 2011 12:16 am GMT -5

I’m giving you this idea in hopes that you will take immediate action, thus enriching the lives of millions and advancing humanity ever closer to a new age of enlightenment.

Dear Coca-Cola: bottle the drink every kid at the fountain is already making.
Dear Coca-Cola: bottle the suicide.
Of course you’ll have to market it right, so here’s what not to do: don’t try to come up with a name for it and don’t introduce it as a Mystery Flavor with some naming contest.
Guys, we’ve already named it. Not only that, but we already know what it is and how it tastes. We have a history with it, thinking we were the shit when we made them.  Why in the name of Manos Hands of Fate would you want to fuck up built-in brand identity like that?
Now, okay, maybe “Suicide” is too strong a name. Perhaps Marketing would be more comfortable using one of it’s others: graveyard, sewage, pop bomb, swamp water, tornado, kamikaze, garbage soda, hurricane or atomic bomb.  
Whatever.
Pick one.
Pick a goddamned name, fucking pour a little of every flavor into a 2 liter bottle, slap on a label, and then make me CEO as this shit sells itself to every fucker who, as a kid, was ever given an empty cup at McDonald’s, ever.
Do this.
Do this now.
In earnest,
Michael C. Lebovitz

I’m giving you this idea in hopes that you will take immediate action, thus enriching the lives of millions and advancing humanity ever closer to a new age of enlightenment.

Dear Coca-Cola: bottle the drink every kid at the fountain is already making.
Dear Coca-Cola: bottle the suicide.
Of course you’ll have to market it right, so here’s what not to do: don’t try to come up with a name for it and don’t introduce it as a Mystery Flavor with some naming contest.
Guys, we’ve already named it. Not only that, but we already know what it is and how it tastes. We have a history with it, thinking we were the shit when we made them.  Why in the name of Manos Hands of Fate would you want to fuck up built-in brand identity like that?
Now, okay, maybe “Suicide” is too strong a name. Perhaps Marketing would be more comfortable using one of it’s others: graveyard, sewage, pop bomb, swamp water, tornado, kamikaze, garbage soda, hurricane or atomic bomb.  
Whatever.
Pick one.
Pick a goddamned name, fucking pour a little of every flavor into a 2 liter bottle, slap on a label, and then make me CEO as this shit sells itself to every fucker who, as a kid, was ever given an empty cup at McDonald’s, ever.
Do this.
Do this now.
In earnest,
Michael C. Lebovitz
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