Author: stephenfalken

When posting something on the Internet we should always keep in mind that we must protect our children from negativity in all forms. So that sentence should take care of the Google abstract. Anyway, to me this is the equivalent of posting a pretty fucked-up picture of some hyperfat chick or something. I’m really just typing it for therapy; thanks in advance, s_g.

OK so I fucked this girl the other night I picked up during a birthday party in a bar.
Her tits were amazingly smaller than they looked with the megapadded bra she had on. Also, her ass was like 4″ wider once I got her into a little better lighting. Her feet were nice and she had smooth skin, but that’s about all I can say to her credit. Average looking, peasant-face; slightly cute. Her hair went way too wild after a few minutes of making out and she started to look sort of like a drug addict. She came buckets which was kind of interesting in a lowbrow, Discovery channel kind of way – but her aroma left something to be desired: bog and swamp. Plant rot. I think she may have shit the bed a little bit too.

I figured after she came the first time and got her juices flowing so to speak, it would be a cleaner, more organic kind of experience, but it didn’t seem to improve. I couldn’t bring myself quite to the level of going down on her – just fingerfucking. So I found myself in a position I’ve rarely been in before: horny and wanting to fuck but just not too satisfied with this week’s model. So I fucked her hard and fast and got it over with, shooting on her tits. OK so blueballs had been averted. Good.

After the alcohol and X started wearing off around 4am, I needed to piss. I got up and saw my reflection in the mirror on the door, and at least I still looked okay – but I felt dirty and I stank in several areas. I started planning.

I picked up my netbook and took it into the bathroom with me and set a website reminder to call my cellphone at 4:26. When it rang, I faked a conversation with my sister about my Mom having health problems and that I needed to be there ASAP. I wanted to get rid of the stinker post haste. Unfortunately she was still wasted and way too clingy – she apparently equates sex with affection, poor thing. So it took me some stupid promises to get her out of my parking lot – but at least I avoided the walk of shame at 8:00.

So anyway after she left I blocked her number from my phone, held my breath, closed my eyes and stripped off the sheets, and put what I was wearing and the sheets in the washer with extra detergent, baking soda and bleach alternative. Finally by 6am, I was sober and aware.

I was tracking. Shower, first thing. Dishes. Windex on glass-top table (she had slimed the table also with her late-night sliders). Fixed the EQ on the entertainment system (she had no musical ear at all). Clothes into the dryer. Another drink and a smoke. For breakfast, orange juice and a bagel with cream cheese, sprouts and tomato slice. Coffee. Another smoke. 8am saw the return of my nice place near the beach with new incense in the air, sea breeze, clean living areas, clean sheets, a double shower and a new change of clothes.

Due to my quick hygenic action and unwillingness to be as gross as my date on several levels, I didn’t even end up with any zits from her way-too-wet smoocherama. And I haven’t heard from her since.

I just wanted to share this method of reclaiming your lifestyle after what could be a real drag if you’re not careful.

Good luck,
sf